My Nobel Prize Should Be Forthcoming

Now the swinging bridge
Is quieted with creepers...
Like our tendrilled life.

There's nothing like a good haiku, is there? Of course not. The very notion that there could be anything better than a good haiku is patently absurd. The problem is, I never have the time anymore to burn up entire afternoons composing and reciting haikus, getting nothing else done, wondering where my life went. Well, at least that was before I joined the thousands of people across America who have found a better way to enjoy haikus in half the time!

It turns out that Japanese scientists, after forty years of research, have come up with new eight-syllable haikus! That's right, eight syllables! Imagine writing all the haikus you want and still having time to take the family out to dinner, enjoy a Hollywood movie, or work in the yard! It used to be that I had to spend seventeen syllables on a haiku---and what did I get for my efforts? Blank stares and regrets that there weren't enough hours left in the day to even bathe or brush my teeth! But last November I read an article about Itco International's patented system of developing eight-syllable Haikus for less than you might spend on a used car! I'm already the envy of friends and relatives as I stand in gloomy chain coffeehouses and rip through twice as many haikus as I ever have! Why, just check this one out:

Cloudy day, evermore....

Not bad, eh? Now try an experiment. Recite this haiku to yourself, then spend the time you have left over pursuing a neglected hobby, or even learning a trade!

How's this for a success story: I wrote just five hundred and seven haikus in the first eleven months of 2005, but I've already written three hundred and eighty since December! I've used all the extra time I've saved to make friends playing Stratego! You can find out more information about more than doubling your haiku speed by visitng Itco's web site, or just look out the windows of your home to spot one of their hundreds of thousands of roving customer service representatives! They even have haiku franchising opportunities! I'm excited!