Yeah, Not What I Was Expecting, Not What I Was Expecting

Dear contestant:

Congratulations on leaving us with this home version of Wheel of Fortune! You may not have won our top prize and continued to win money night after night, but now you can have all the fun of Wheel any time you like right at your kitchen table, and share it with your family too!

We just know you'll enjoy the home game. We've analyzed the tape of your episode in great detail, and the set you have now will use a spinner, dice, a light-up clue board, a secret answer sleeve, and small figurines representing Pat, Vanna, and all the contestants who beat you in order to re-create every moment of your specific Wheel of Fortune experience, right down to the final round in which your incorrect guess led to bankruptcy! You'll have great fun re-living the anticipation, the tension, the highs, and ultimately, the crushing lows that this game will provide for you in exactly the same way every time! Play it alone or with others!

The best part of it all is, the game re-creates the entire episode in just fifteen minutes or so, since there's no need to spend any time trying to figure out the puzzles---surely you remember all three of them, especially the one you came so close to solving, but couldn't!

Once again, we hope you enjoyed your Wheel experience as much as you logically could given your failure. Display this box proudly in your hall closet or storage shed!

-The producers