The Salty Tang of Vengeance
Yes, you inhuman piece of trash, it was I who poured vanilla pudding all over the hood of your precious Nissan Sentra---a full eleven years after you offended both myself and Captain Sal’s Crabcake Grill with your insolent affront! Ha, you never suspected that when you parked in our lot in the summer of ‘98 and then slapped us and our paying customers in the face by crossing the street to Eyepatch Sally’s Shrimp and Steak Buffet, I would be watching and memorizing your license plate! For years I kept the information close to my heart, waiting for exactly the right moment to remind you of the strict Parking For Captain Sal’s Customers Only policy which I was hired to protect and defend! Try and have yourself a decent honeymoon now, punk, when you’re busy scraping pudding off your ride! How ironic that eleven years after your crime, you would return to Skaggs Beach and I would still be working the lot for seven fifty an hour! It appears that fate and I are apparently better friends than I once believed!
In fairness, I should point out that due to some economic difficulties at Captain Sal’s, the parking policy has since been dropped and the lot is now open to anyone, even those who are only seeking a round of putt-putt at Pirate Rudy’s Tee Time Booty. If anyone asks, you got puddinged because of your past, not because of parking there tonight. Also, I apologize for slightly scratching your left rear tire rim when I tripped over a pebble and fell against the car, which caused me to briefly lose my grip on the pudding bucket. My insurance policy number is C08-775-1910 and I can be reached by phone here at the restaurant from ten until eight Monday through Saturday.