Because Books Are My Sworn Enemy

I keep getting these magazine offers in the mail, and I definitely want to get a few. I've narrowed it down to these:

Mine Field Gardening

Mind-Numbingly Easy Seek-a-Words

The Journal of Statistical Probability that Val Kilmer Will Ever Be in Another Good Movie

Celebrity Death Profiteer

Dice Week (the last issue had a pretty good article about dice theft and reviews of the new locking systems)

Jobs for Goddamned Idiots

If I Were Harry Dean Stanton (mostly just essays, kind of dry)

The New Yorker Translator (it tells you what the hell The New Yorker is talking about)

Retired Embalmer

Lottery Agony (the journal of recovery for those who miss winning the lottery by no more than 2 numbers)

Newsweek for Newborns

The New York Times Review of Lame Novels Written by Self-Inflated Newspaper Columnists

Bullying Little League Parent

Receipt Tape Designer