True to One Another Till the Rebranding

Well, Mr. Plywall, the scenario we find ourselves in is indeed unusual, but it’s certainly not without precedent. Right here in St. Louis a few years ago, Altered States Biometrics was spending a lot of time with United Separators, the company that makes those fabulous orange tubes you like so much, and at some point, who knows when, the whole thing just kind of happened---they were in love. And then there’s the Great Northern Popcorn/Amalgamated Curvature merger, which started out about the money but of course wound up being a simple case of overpowering emotions between the two---though pessimists will claim it never went any deeper than mutual logo lust and now you can sense they made a mistake. The legal issues that we’ll have to deal with if IntegraCor confesses its feelings for Reliable Flushes are myriad, but I suppose at some point we simply have to ask ourselves: is our company in love with them? If the feelings are genuine, then I won’t stand in our way of finding happiness, but remember what happened when KetchupConnect moved into the office park across the way and we spent all that money and attention on them and then found out their employee pension plan was woefully underfunded and all they wanted to do was work and maybe restructure their shipping routes once in a while? I remember you sitting in this very office and telling me, “Winkovich, never let this company give its heart away again,” and then you using my personal copy of What Color is My Parachute? to dry your tears. And let’s face it, this isn’t a brief fling with some nonprofit with a short lease or a summer romance with a company that sells a product we always wanted to but were afraid to try, making us feel electric and alive for a few months---no, this goes beyond that, doesn’t it? I mean, when the board of directors calls a special meeting on the beach at one in the morning and comes to a consensus that a single day without Reliable Flushes is “like an eternity,” we’re in for the long haul. So what I propose is this: we continue to supply them with crossover cords and thirty-six inch feeder pods at cost, maybe throw a red rose into one of the shipments now and then, but all the while we keep cool and aloof, see if they come to us. If by the end of the fiscal quarter they haven’t made a move, then we just plain come out with it in the standard PowerPoint presentation that lays our cards on the table. If they’re not interested, fine---there are other fish in the sea, right?

Sorry...sorry, let me gather myself a bit. I just got to thinking what it would be like if we’ve totally misread the signals. God, the rejection! What would the industry say? We’d have to close the Cannondale office and lay everyone off at the very least. But if they say yes...oh Mr. Plywall, tell me they will! Tell me they’re not just interested in raiding our award-winning HR department for cheap hires, and that they love us for what we are and can become if only we find the right company to believe in us! We could be so happy together! Unless of course they’re talking about settling down right away and expanding to more locations. Ha, IntegraCor still don’t play that, am I right? Eh? Am I right?