The Condiment and I

Whoo, what a tiring and frustrating day. Since eight this morning I've had contractors shuffling in and out of my kitchen. I swear, half of what they say just flies right over my head. But the figures they throw around....I'm terrified. I had no idea that trying to find someone reputable to help me finish off the huge tub of Shedd's Spread I bought in May would be such a big idea. Granted, I was an idiot for thinking I could get through such a massive amount of Shedd's Spread, but you never think about these things when you're in Safeway. You never look down the road to the moment when some guy is pressuring you to sign a deal that promises to use up the remainder the tub in six weeks, all for a "mere" $4600. I'm already having nightmares about strange dudes in my kitchen at all hours of the day, putting the stuff on toast and vegetables and taking forever, and getting stuck on weekends with no one to help me slather more Shedd's Spread onto anything. I had a friend who hired a company to help him get through a seemingly endless jar of Smuckers because his wife was getting on him every day about it, complaining she just couldn't stand the sight of her kitchen anymore knowing they were never going to finish all that goop, and he told me there were days, even weeks, where it just didn't seem like they were making any progress at all, like they were happy to do nothing but make a big mess and lots of noise. And their attitude was always like, "Duh, we know what we're doing." I'm half-tempted to hire some company to just haul that Shedd's Spread right out of here and dispose of it. I can't find a quote for less than $800 for that, though. Don't tell me nobody's making money in this crazy economy. Sheesh.