You Know What Else Is Not Good? Jujyfruits.
Look, I know that summer is the time when you relax your cinematic standards just a little bit, because what it's all about is just going out on a Friday night with your friends, kicking back in the air conditioning with a tub of popcorn and a soda, and turning off your brain for a while. But I would be remiss in my responsibilities if I didn't express my honest opinion about what I see at the movies. With that in mind, I just can't bring myself to say a single positive word about the new Exit Awareness theme music now playing before every film at Regal Cinemas. This derivative piece of uninspired electronica may certainly have an effect on you; its production values are top notch, of course, surpassing even the trend-setting Exit Awareness music that United Artists Theaters gave a grateful public in 2003, but looking for the nearest exit will not be foremost in your mind when you hear it---and isn't that what it's all about in the end? As if it weren't bad enough that the male voice reminding moviegoers to spot that all-important door is mundane and unenthused (Gerard Del Toro from the Hayden Planetarium's closing time announcement; this guy has done good work before, but he's phoning it in here), the music possesses a tragic lack of urgency, as if its message were of no particular importance to anyone and it was just there to pass the time before the show starts. If you're looking for a piece of film that truly conveys the drama of making sure you know your way out of the auditorium in case of fire, check out the few minutes before anything playing at K-B Cinemas, where a cartoon fox and hound delightfully sniff out the nearest exit to the strains of a catchy yet cerebral piano and trumpet piece written by new age powerhouse Shadowfax. It's a sleeper and a keeper.
Next week, I'll review the latest crop of Screen Sayings at the Uptown Twin Theaters and give you the real backstory on the new Anderson Dental ad slide. (Hint: Your ticket stub may not be worth 25% off a cleaning after all!)