Attention Creative Artists!

How many times have you had that ever-depressing thought: “All the good ideas are taken!” Some days it just seems like everything you come up with has already been used by somebody else. It’s getting harder and harder to find something original in this world to call your own. Meanwhile, the years slip by, and the poems, screenplays, and outlines for novels you type up in Starbuck's go nowhere.

Well, turn that frown inside out, because a whole new vista of opportunity now awaits you. Yes, all the good ideas really are taken---on Earth, that is. But scientists working in conjunction with our popular United States government have uncovered a virtually untapped resource of ideas---on the moon!

That’s right---down here on the big blue marble, you can’t dangle a dead chicken without hitting some loser who just barely beat you to that idea for an award-winning movie about sad children, or that notion you semi-formed which might have led indirectly to one of the best breakup songs ever. But on the moon, a vast, arid, uninhabited landscape, not only is your competition incredibly limited, but all the ideas are totally unclaimed!

Under a special agreement with NASA and The Macarthur Foundation, you can, until March 31, claim up to fifty new, unsullied ideas directly from the surface of the moon for three easy payments of $29.95. No one has ever had these ideas before---they’re all yours! It’s time you got your creative juices flowing by recognizing that you’re pretty much done down here, but in outer space, the game is on!

And that’s not all---well, yes it is. I have nothing else for you. I thought there was going to be another paragraph here, but now all I can think about is that piece of apple pie I have left over from yesterday which I hid in the fridge. I completely forgot it was in there until just now. You know what, I’m going to go ahead and declare that the best feeling there can be in this life---suddenly realizing you’ve got pie from yesterday. If there’s something better, I guess I’ve just never experienced it.

Crap. Now I’ve forgotten what I was thinking. I was just happy and I forget why. It was because of….oh, Christ. Something about the refrigerator.

Man, I wish I hadn't finished all that pie yesterday.