Closing Time at Tick's Bar

So here we are, two guys in a bar, just shooting the bull, right? Swapping stories, sharing gripes…you say some things, I say some things, we talk a little sports…usual Tuesday night stuff. But listen….I want to tell you something off the record, and this is no ordinary bombshell, friend. If you can keep this under wraps, I’d like to clue you in on a little fact which I haven’t told anybody yet. See, I work for Victoria’s Secret. You’re familiar with the brand? Good. Yeah, I work in research and development. Specifically, in bras. Over the last few years, we’ve had our share of innovations. The Wonder Bra, that was big, and just recently this Secret Embrace thing’s paying pretty serious dividends. Not a bad run, if I do say so myself. The work’s hard, but it’s rewarding.

Now pay attention to what I’m going to tell you now. Put your beer down. Are you ready? Sometime in the autumn of the year 2009, buddy, we are going to reveal an advance in bra design that will----oh, hell, I’m just going to say it, because you have a trustworthy face---that will not only destroy all your pre-conceptions of the garment in question, but change society itself more profoundly than any invention of the modern age. I’m not kidding with you here. We have come up with a bra upon which entire economies, maybe even entire cultures, will rise and fall. If I were you, pal, I wouldn’t make any long-term plans concerning your job or your family. Because when the release date hits, when this bra becomes available for sale on the open market, whatever you thought your country was, those ideas will be washed away on the unforgiving tide of history. I wish I could tell you more about the product in question….but trust me, I can’t. The human imagination wasn’t made big enough to process this kind of knowledge anyway. When you see it, then you’ll know.

Now I want you to forget I ever said anything. We never had this conversation, okay? Just walk quietly back to your car, drive back to your home, and go about your business. I’ll pick up the check on this one. I’m gonna stay here and finish my Nestea Light.

Autumn 2009, pal. Autumn 2009.