It's Obstructed-View Seating Only on the Self-Actualization Train

You know the feeling. The feeling of being ashamed, inadequate, judged by others. You spend your days obsessing over a single mistake, your nights hearing the giggles, the mocking laughter in your mind.

Well, guess what---you’ve done nothing wrong, and there is nothing to be ashamed of. And now, finally, there’s a place you can come once a week to talk with others about how society views you----and what you can do to make them stop.

At our People Who Got Killed By The Mummy open talk forum, we won’t dwell on the fact that you somehow got killed by the slowest-moving monster in the entire pantheon of evil creatures. Instead, we’ll turn the focus outward on those who mock us for our misfortune, and we’ll come to see that it is they who should feel bad for their heartless attitude. Because you could have died in plenty of ways: smothered in a caterpillar attack, crushed by a stalled car being pushed by two guys, even trapped in a molasses spill. It’s nobody’s business why your life ended, or how incredible it is that at no point, you couldn’t just take a few jogging steps to get away.

When you were killed by the Mummy, you didn’t stop being a human being with thoughts and feelings. And because we respect who you are, we won’t be forcing anyone to explain just how they screwed up so badly that a virtual still photo of a creature managed to take your life. The Mummy may have moved really, really slowly when he killed you, but we’re going to act fast to get your self-esteem back to normal, and along the way you’ll be making some good new friends who don’t think your demise was funny.

We meet every Thursday in the basement of St. Martin’s Lutheran Church in Mulberry. Go through the front entrance and turn left and go down the hall. Then take the next two rights, go up the flight of stairs in front of you, and take the elevator to the tenth floor. When the doors open, head south across Concourse B and wait for the tram in the designated blue zone. The tram will be marked ‘East / Express.’ Disembark at the sixth stop and proceed with caution down the widest of the three available corridors. The Hall of Valiants is at the end. It seats 40,000, so spread out.