Weekends Are Long, THAT'S Why

As much as I hate to bring my faithful readers down, I find it necessary at this time, once again, to respond to the vicious negativity displayed by those ugly few who can’t help but naysay and find fault with seemingly everything I do. People, your glass-is-half-broken attitude is REALLY getting tiresome, and this most recent example of your cynicism has my blood boiling. As I could have predicted, you have all chosen to focus on the ONE thing that went wrong during the fashion show I decided to hold this past Sunday for all my condiments and spices. GOD FORBID you appreciate and celebrate the MANY aspects of the fashion show I held for all my condiments and spices which went FLAWLESSLY. No no, all you can do is harp on the fifteen unfortunate minutes at the end when things admittedly got out of hand. Why is it SO hard for you all to simply acknowledge that the shopping for miniature outfits at Total Crafts went perfectly and came in under budget, that the dressing of all my condiments and spices was carried out with style and whimsy, and that the ensuing presentation---including the adorable ‘talent’ competition---was just as much, if not more, innocent fun than I could possibly have expected when I dreamed up the concept during my nephew’s christening? Am I to have NO credit from ANYONE? I guess not. I guess the three and a half hours BEFORE the situation simply got beyond me never existed. Hmm. Interesting. I didn’t know TIME could mysteriously VANISH like that, MR. HAWKING. Tell you what, why don’t you all just write down the exact number of times you wish me to apologize for the awful end result of the fashion show for all my condiments and spices, and I’ll just get to work with a Sharpie and a big white piece of construction paper and we can all move on with our lives, okay? Because I am sorry. I am sorry that it all stopped being fun suddenly and erupted into something frightening and violent. I didn’t see it coming because I guess I don’t have futurevision. It turns out futurevision isn’t part of my basic cable package after all. Believe me, I don’t like being evicted from my apartment and spending the night in jail any more than you like hearing about me talk about you hearing about it. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to make myself some tea and toast and think about trees for a while, which makes me genuinely happy. Good day to you.