The Blog = SAVINGS
We live in a magical age when nothing you were born with has to be stuck with you forever. You can change your name, get a new social security number if the one you have has three sixes in a row, and even disown your parents if you feel like really putting forth the effort. So why should you be stuck with the same default facial expression all your life?
Yes, everyone has a default facial expression, and now, through the miracle of cosmetic surgery, you can have a new one for as little as twenty-eight thousand dollars! Through this blog only, Dr. Herbert Blockington of Mumbler’s Pipe, Alaska is offering to alter your visage to any one of FIVE exciting default facial expressions to improve your life by up to forty percent. Here are your options:
* Bemused humility!
* Contented complacency!
* Mild surprise!
* Creepy secrecy!
And, for a limited time only,
* Freakish gaiety!
Payment plans are available! And best of all, with any of the default facial expressions offered by Dr. Blockington, your mouth can default to very slightly open OR entirely closed!
But don’t trust us about this fantastic new verizon in cosmetic surgery---listen to what actual patients have said:
“People used to say I always looked vaguely amused by something. But now, after a twenty-hour procedure in which my heart literally stopped on the operating table for twelve seconds, my face has defaulted to an expression of vaguely artistic brooding, and I’ve never been happier!” - refused to give name or location
“I understand now that Dr. Blockington currently has the legal right to practice medicine under the Temporary Licensing clause described in the American Medical Association’s one-time exemptions charter, and there will be no further contact or petition from this office.” - voice on answering machine
NONE OF THIS IS A DREAM; IT’S ALL TRUE! So the next time you look in the mirror and think to yourself, “Hmm, I always seem to look like I’ve just tasted something salty,” give the blog a call and we’ll send you a stack of brochures thicker than a prize-winning Angus steak!
A recovery period of 18 to 24 months is usually required after default facial expression alteration surgery. For insurance reasons, we prefer that the procedure take place during an eerie thunderstorm with occasional ominous crashes of lightning. See our ad in Golf Digest.