Once in a Generation Comes a Visionary

WELL, Mr. Kopelson, now that you mention it, there IS something more I demand in addition to a twenty-five cent raise, and quite honestly, if my requirements are not met, I can walk right down the sidewalk to Grocery Gil’s, where a twenty-hour-a-week position has all but been secured for me by my friend Nat from the community pool, who happens to know the manager from church. As LEAD TUESDAY NIGHT CASHIER until Janice comes back from college, I believe I have, through my strenuous and efficient efforts, earned certain inalienable rights, and these rights, as I perceive them, are as follows: 1) the right to question each customer OPENLY and DIRECTLY about any and ALL of the following: A) the reason for the purchase of items which may contribute to long-term obesity, B) the reason for the purchase of items which may suggest current or past medical problems, C) the reason for the purchase of specific magazines and other reading material, D) the reason for the purchase of school supplies or sugary cereals if something about the customer suggests they do not have children of their own, E) the reason for parking farther away from the store that seems necessary if parking seems easily available closer by, F) the order in which the customer intends to complete their daily errands, G) the reason for purchasing fruits and vegetables if the season does not seem appropriate, H) the reason for purchasing implements suggesting an imminent outdoor cookout if the weather does not seem agreeable to such an event, I) the sex, nature, and disposition of any pets they might have, and where they are at the current time, J) the diet and sleeping patterns of the customer if they seem fatigued or otherwise out of sorts, K) the reason for a customer’s hurried manner, or, if lethargic, for their slowness, L) the annual income of the customer as it compares to my own, M) the origin of the customer’s visible clothing, and N) the origin of any scars, deformities, cuts, or bruises which might be visible to the naked eye. Yes, I say to you now that the time has come to SHATTER THE WALL separating customer and cashier, and I will no longer stand by mutely and passively as consumer after consumer leaves this place of business utterly unquestioned by the person who is asked to wait on them but never utter a single peep about any issue other than what form of payment they wish to use and whether paper or plastic meets their so-called “needs.” Mr. Kopelson, I tell you on this day that if a SINGLE one of these rights is denied me, all I can say is, good luck making Sylvia the lead Tuesday night cashier, and good luck especially when someone needs to do a void on a C12 produce transaction without checking the list taped to the register for the right code to use, because GOD KNOWS SHE’S NOT CAPABLE OF EVEN THAT.