Should Have Stayed at Florida State One More Semester
They told me that becoming a tagline writer in Hollywood would be tough, but I really thought I had a handle on the job. Then Phipps comes in this afternoon and embarrasses me in front of everybody. "Um, could you give this another shot, please, before I pass it upstairs," he said to me, shaking his head. "Thanks." He looked at everyone like he was so superior to me, and everyone kind of looked down. Now I'm afraid to ask anyone what the problem with what I wrote is. I'm sitting here staring at it, staring at it, reading it again and again. I don't see it. The clock is ticking and I can tell the people in the office are wondering why I haven't made a change and gone back to Phipps. Please, for the love of God, tell me what's wrong with this tagline:
SOMETIMES TRUTH IS THE MOST DEVASTATING TRUTH OF ALL
I mean, it seems pretty straightforward to me. I'm looking at the words and I'm just at a total loss. Oh Jesus, if I can't fix this in the next thirty seconds everyone's going to think I'm a total idiot. I've already made a crossing-out motion that meant nothing and I wrote a few random letters below the line to make everyone think I was making a correction. "Sometimes truth is the most devastating truth of all." "Sometimes truth is the most devastating truth of all." Straightforward. To the point. Are there excess words? Did I spell something wrong? Capitalization? Please, Lord, forty-five more seconds and these vultures around me are going to be talking about my stupidity to everyone in town. Does 'devastating' have more than two Ts?? I'm begging you, my job is on the line here! I'll go get a cup of coffee, that's what I'll do. That's a great stall. "Sometimes truth is the most devastating truth of all." "Sometimes truth is the most devastating truth of all." You know what, I'll never get it. I'm just going to give Phipps a new one. God, I hate my brain so much. Let's try this one:
THEIR LOVE WAS THE ONLY THING WORTH LOVING FOR
There. Criticize that, Phipps. Not bad. Not bad at all. Whew. Close one.