Twelve Affectionate Names I Must Remember Not To Call My Girlfriend Anymore

1) Ol’ Flesh ‘n’ Fluids

2) Sweetie Tweetie Thighs So Meaty

3) The Madame Snookums Experience

4) Wee Baby BigButt

5) My Little Bowl of All-Bran

6) L’iI Loves-To-Lie

7) PermaSkank

8) The Masque of the Red Death

9) Papa’s Favorite Vagina

10) She Who Was Unable to Get Her G.E.D.

11) The Lyin’ Witch with the Wardrobe

12) My Beloved Coffin-Filler