And There Shall Be Balloons

I’m happy to announce that through this blog only, tickets for the 2007 Can It Kill and Eat Alan Arkin Convention are on sale for 30 percent off when car and hotel room rentals are made in a package deal through Avis. The 2007 Can It Kill and Eat Alan Arkin Convention promises to make the 2006 blowout look tame in comparison! Join people from all over America as they come together to share their passion for knowledge. This year’s special events include:

* A speech by noted biologist and animal behaviorist Gerst Munchit on what kinds of bears would most likely be able to kill and eat Alan Arkin

* A book-signing with Dr. Bernard Blume, author of Arkin-Eaters of the Sea, with a post-signing discussion of marine life and, given the right situation, its possible interest in, and aptitude for, killing and eating Alan Arkin

* A debate between Hofstra University scholars about the mythical Minotaur, and what its attitude and/or ability might have been regarding killing and eating Alan Arkin

* An appearance by Alan Arkin himself, who will field questions about his illustrious acting career and share his experiences involving creatures that seemed like they could have, if things had gone a little differently, killed and eaten him

* A discounted breakfast and dinner at the Sheraton Hotel in downtown Albany

* Souvenirs, discussion groups, and a midnight screening of Little Miss Sunshine with running commentary by a panel of experts who will analyze Alan Arkin’s body type and perceived footspeed in his role as Grandpa and determine if, had the script gone in a different direction, he could have outran or otherwise eluded a Bengal tiger if it meant avoiding being slaughtered and devoured.

Tickets are bound to sell out fast, so write in today!

Sorry, no refunds. Mr. Arkin’s appearance has not been confirmed. The Albany Sheraton reserves the right to exhibit a mysterious ignorance of this event.