Earn Extra Money At Home By Weeping!

Hey North America!

Are you tired of entering your own children into futuristic demolition races just to earn a little extra money? Had it with selling your blood to that homeless guy down the street so you can afford another week’s worth of macaroni and cheese? Well, I’m here to tell you about a wondrous new program that allows you to earn big money at home simply by weeping!

You’ve already heard this offer advertised on a series of award-winning commercials starring Grover Polk, the voice of Germany’s favorite cartoon lobster. And they’re all true: the road to financial security now begins and ends with your tear ducts. As a result of groundbreaking science from accredited universities, major companies will pay YOU to weep uncontrollably, with no strings attached! This multi-level marketing campaign has already given millions of luckless people a reason to get up in the morning, and the best part is that no one will ever come to your home to collect the product of your self-pity. Thanks to three-tiered business methods perfected in countries we are not at liberty to mention, major companies I spoke of like Entron and Itco need only to verify once a week that you are weeping at least six hours a day in order to pay you!

Your weeping can be caused by any one of these factors which you yourself choose:

1) general sadness
2) loss of a loved one
3) buried Hiroshima guilt
4) toes or fingers crushed in a vice-like apparatus

And more!

The astonishing earning power of weeping is waiting for YOU. Don’t let your neighbors cash in before you do. The basic package is just $89.95 and you can order it now through http://www.filepath389223.44.11/creditcardentry/roothost.com.

Again, we are not at liberty to mention the countries and/or personages where this program originates. The use of company names Entron and Itco in this advertisement is meant only to suggest hypothetical business entities and not actual ones. This ad may in fact be for something entirely different than the weeping program; certain key passages of text may have been eliminated and others inserted for margin alignment reasons only and they hold no legal weight.