Guest Blogger: A Maple Leaf in Autumn

A maple leaf in autumn here with my thoughts about the ongoing presidential election. Note to the Democratic candidates: since when did it become fashionable to divert the public's attention away from the real issues facing this country in order to simply trash an opponent in the media? It seems that every----whoa, I'm sorry, just a second, let's just let this wind gust do its thing here...okay, settling, settling....very nice, okay, I'm good. But to focus on Barack Obama for a moment, it grows increasingly disturbing that---- oh, Christ, here we go, I'm sorry, let me just ride this next breeze out for a minute. Okay, tumbling, tumbling...I'm really sorry about this, it's going to be just a few more seconds. I'm sure I'll be able to focus once I brush against these last two trash cans....there we go. No big deal. Wait....Jesus, this is actually a bigger one than I thought. Ah crap, I'm going all the way across the damn street, I just know it. Drifting, drifting....I do apologize, you've got to give me maybe fifteen more seconds. All right, we are officially good to go unless I get caught in this little crosswind going by this guy's pant, I'm set. I'm set. We can go back to discussing Obama, the always over-hyped, deceptively cynical choice of HOLY GOD, WHAT JUST HAPPENED? WHY AM I TWENTY FEET IN THE AIR? WAS THAT A FREAKING TRACTOR TRAILER THAT JUST WENT BY? ISN'T THIS SUPPOSED TO BE A RESIDENTIAL STREET? WHAT THE HELL IS HE EVEN DOING HERE? BOOT UP THE TEN YEAR OLD COMPUTER YOU BOUGHT AT GOODWILL AS AN ANNIVERSARY GIFT FOR YOUR WIFE AND USE YOUR DIAL-UP MODEM TO LEARN ABOUT MAPQUEST, YOU MORON. I'm going to be a while, do you want to get back to me about this? What I need is to get wedged somewhere and I'll be able to get my thoughts together. I'm probably going to settle in that big field over there and that pretty much guarantees I'll be all over the damn place all afternoon. OKAY, I COULD DEFINITELY DO WITHOUT THE SIDESWIPING BY THE SKINNY DUDE'S BICYCLE TIRE. NEWS FLASH, ICHABOD: YOUR LITTLE BLACK PANTS DO NOT MAKE YOU LANCE ARMSTRONG, SO YOU CAN SLOW DOWN FOR THAT STOP SIGN. NOBODY MINDS THAT YOU'RE JUST SOME SOFTWARE GEEK, YOU DON'T HAVE TO TRY TO BE TOUR-DE-FRANCE-MAN ON SUNDAYS BEFORE YOU HIT WHOLE FOODS FOR PORTOBELLO MUSHROOMS AND VITAMIN WATER. AND NO, YOU WILL NOT BE MEETING ANY WOMEN THERE. YES, THEY'RE IN EVERY AISLE, BUT THEY'LL BE TALKING TO YOU WHEN EXACTLY, DINGUS?

Man, I'm in a seriously bad mood today. Trial keeps getting postponed. I just don't know what the prosecution is waiting for. Those cattle aren't getting any deader, you know what I mean?