What, You Can't Just Tivo the Damn "Night Court" Marathon?
I'm not really sure why nobody ever comes to my Tick Check meetup group. I spent so much time writing the description for it, and I hardly think a five dollar participation fee is anything that should keep people away. (It's simple---without that five bucks from everybody, don't expect Tostitos and grape soda to magically make its own way to my living room!) Looking at the calendar, there's one thing every one of us who lives within three miles of woods, thickets, or even isolated tall trees should be concerned about, and that's ticks. Now I know from experience that a Friday night combing through your own scalp has only limited charms, so I just figured people from various walks of life would enjoy getting together, engaging in fun conversation, and making sure that, through a detailed scanning of each other's bodies with penlights and tweezers, none of us falls prey to any of the sinister viruses that our little woodland friends are known to carry. But I guess I was wrong. The last time I posted one of these events, I even offered to move the tick check to the bar at the Hard Rock Cafe, but a different ambiance didn't do the trick of getting anyone there either. So go ahead and file this along with my other internet meetup failures. The one girl who showed up for my Let's Make Belts meetup isn't even talking to me anymore because I called her a whore, and Fans Of All The Van Halen Iterations Except The Original One ended, I'm ashamed to say, with me curled up in the corner of the 14th Street Starbucks and crying. I give up. Sometimes I wonder why I'm even bothering to shell out $2.95 a month for AOL's Barely Connected service. (It's pretty good, actually, you get thirty free minutes of online time, and all you have to do is make sure all your e-mails to people are wildly complimentary about the specific kind of watch battery Best Buy has on sale that week.)