And Stop Using the Fax Machine to Order Indian Food

Dear Toys ‘R’ Us Accounts Receivable employees,

While we in Shipping and Receiving are appreciative of all that you bring to the company, we feel your department has been somewhat neglectful in a certain area which is adversely affecting our daily operations. We speak, of course, of the feeding of the hostages, which you do not seem to be doing on a consistent basis, and it is falling upon us to take up the slack.

When the hostages were seized, we thought it was understood that they were not Accounts Receivable’s hostages or Shipping and Receiving’s hostages but OUR hostages together, to take care of in partnership. As it is, the hostages have not been fed for so long that we may need to set up an outing for them to improve their morale (probably paddle-boating, but I’ll have to check the rates). Maybe we should get together at some point and come up with a hostage-feeding schedule that works for all of us.

Please note also that the increased volume of the plaintive cries of the hostages has necessitated the construction of a thicker wall abutting the original one which screens them off from the elevator shaft. We were thinking of moving some petty cash out of the fund which had been set up to buy Betty an iPod for her wedding shower in order to fund this endeavor, and would appreciate your input.

Thank you for your attention.

Sincerely,
(signature too difficult to make out)