A Line in the Sand

Wow, you know what? This feels kind of good. It kind of feels like when you come out of the ocean after a long swim, or when you get laid off from a job you didn’t want anyway and you’re looking at a long summer of unemployment checks. Thank you, PowerPoint Hamlet---thank you for making it official that I’ve seen the last play of my life. Yes, PowerPoint Hamlet has pretty much cut all my ties with live theater. For years I had been afraid to make the decision myself, but yep, PowerPoint Hamlet has taken care of everything.

And now, I want to help you make the same leap. You know you can do it and you know you want to. It doesn’t take PowerPoint Hamlet to set you free of your imaginary obligations to live theater. Nobody wants to see a play just like nobody wants to go to the Smithsonian. The thing is, you can break free. Really, do you want to have to sit through PowerPoint Hamlet to close the books on your disinterest in this particular aspect of culture? Just get up tomorrow, look in the mirror, man up, and say it proud: “I will never again attend any event in which actors perform a stage production of any length or genre.” Then just see how the day looks to you after that. Tell me seriously you don’t think you’ll suddenly have more energy, more optimism, and more self-esteem.

Of course, there are those who would say that PowerPoint Hamlet had its moments. I mean, if that story must be presented in PowerPoint format, I guess I’d admit that it couldn’t be done much better. When the slide came up showing Ophelia weeping, sure, I was moved. Also I like the fact that the whole thing was put on inside a Burger King. The ability to just get up once in a while and refill your Dr. Pepper right in the middle of everything with no guilt or shame---I don’t know, it definitely added a welcome twist. The Dr. Pepper was a little on the watery side though. Ever since the company was bought by the Church of Scientology, it’s like they put in a non-carbonation rule or something. I am not looking forward to seeing what they’re gonna do to the Maple Leafs.