Ugh, Everywhere You Go in This City....

Hello sir, good afternoon, can I ask you something....okay, have a nice day sir. Enjoy the game.

Hi there, miss, can I ask you a question, could you---all right, enjoy the game, miss.

Sir? Sir? Can I---have a good day, sir.

Hi, hi there, how are you, can I ask you a question, sir? Would it be possible---all right.

Ma'am, hello, can I ask you something, can you do me a favor? Hi, thanks for stopping....um, if you wouldn't mind, as you can see I'm just a common variety garden snake, kind of stuck here on the ground, but I was wondering if you could pick me up and throw me into the air toward the top of that light pole there, way up there, I can't quite make it all the way up without slipping all the way down, and if I could get up there and dangle for a while, then I could wait for just the right person to come walking along toward Gate 2 and I could drop through the air and give them the biggest shock of their lives, and I could open my mouth as I fell so if they were looking up because a friend of theirs said "Hey man, a snake which may or may not be poisonous is falling down on you from that light pole as if released from the heavens as an angry curse from God!" then they would crane their neck and see my mouth open and coming right at them and that would be the best possible fun I can imagine at the moment. But I really can't make it to the top of the pole by myself, so if you could just pick me up and give me one huge hurl, I'll try to grab hold up there. It might take a few tries, actually. Please, I slithered all the way from the woods at the edge of the season ticket holders' parking lot and I would really appreciate any help you can give me. Okay, so obviously you're going to have to put down all that stuff in your hands....go ahead, put it all down, all that crap, it'll be fine on the pavement...you know, maybe if we got that big burly guy over there to help out....why don't you go ahead and see if you can get his attention....go ahead, don't be shy, just give him a shout. Yeah, put the soda down too, honey, you can't be doing this and slurping Pepsi at the same time, okay?

Hey, where are you going? It'll only take a few seconds! It's going to work! Um....okay. Okay, no problem. Enjoy the game, ma'am. That's okay. That's fine.

Hi, sir, can you stop a minute so I can ask you---all right. No problem. Sorry to bother you. And good luck rooting for your sucky Pirates, by the way. Oh hey, I almost forgot, 1979 called just to say it won't be able to send those World Series rings forward through time to this current bunch of losers. 1979 is really sorry. Yeah, that's right, I do have an attitude problem. Hisssssss! Hisssssssssssssss, you fat idiot!!