Sic Semper Tyrannis, Yo
There's a big ugly bruise above my left eye today----but I wear it with pride. This bruise is a testament to my commitment to a cause I truly believe in. This past Sunday I marched with thousands of other patriots to preserve our palindrome rights not just today, but for generations to come. I will not stand idly by and watch the oppressive Bush regime claim openly that the use of palindromes erodes the traditions of English word usage and thus must be constitutionally banned. I don't think it's too much to demand to be able to use time-honored palindromes in the privacy of my own home without Big Brother legislating my choice. "A man, a plan, a canal---Panama!" we all cried on Sunday with arms linked as we marched down Pennsylvania Avenue, baking in the heat but united in our cause. I regret that things became less than peaceful, and that policeman whose foot I broke with a crowbar has my sympathies---I was aiming for his punk-ass partner, who was all attitude from the first moment I and my brothers in protest took to the street. I can't believe he got out of my chokehold and clocked me in the eye with his baton, and I'm actually surprised by my own fury, which led to me to respond by jamming a hypodermic into his back as I screamed in the name of freedom from linguistic tyranny. I never saw the other two pigs coming, and Eddie was frankly lucky to put them both down with one swing of his aluminum bat, incapacitating them just long enough for me to get off one good grenade throw into the nearest patrol car. Civil disobedience sometimes isn't pretty, and there was certainly nothing attractive about the way the riot cops descended on us after that, leaving us no choice but to launch our acid-filled Molotov cocktails toward anything that moved as Lisa and Brett opened up with round after round of shotgun blasts. How many dead---thirty? Forty? It's just a number etched on some tombstone to be soon forgotten as we fight on in our belief that there's nothing 'unwholesome' or 'unnatural' about the simple human desire to spell out words and whole sentences that are the same forward as they are backward. Won't you join us? We're all going over to Brittany and Kevin's next week to plan our next march and barbecue some ribs.
Mmmmmmm, baked beans.