Drugs? Anyone? Anyone for some drugs?

Because sometimes you and your partner just know when the time is right----and when it isn’t----now there’s Zorbgart.

We’ve all been in that certain situation before with a loved one, and while some medications require you to remember to take a pill a half hour before things “get underway,” only Zorbgart gives you a full twenty-four hours to finish what you have to do! You have so many problems as a couple, why not let us take care of this one for you?

Yes, only Zorbgart has been clinically proven to stop your partner from beginning a long anecdote when there’s clearly not enough time to finish it before your have to get out of the car, place your restaurant order, or greet friends who are approaching from less than fifty feet. Statistics show that thirty percent of all marriages suffer from one spouse’s ridiculous inability to judge when it’s simply too late to start telling a story because you’re only a block away from the house, for God’s sake, or the commercials are clearly almost over and CSI: Miami is obviously coming back on any second. But there your wife or husband goes again, embarking on a story he or she can’t possibly complete before your attention is simply needed elsewhere. But Stunted Chronological Understanding (SCU) is a treatable phenomenon and it doesn’t have to lead to embarrassment anymore. Zorbgart deadens the very information centers in the human brain which develop the urge to squeeze one more anecdote into a conversation that any moron can see needs to end right now----they just issued the last call for the flight to Dallas, for Christ’s sake, and now the ball and chain wants to launch into an analysis of why Merle and Janice don’t sleep together anymore? One blue pill and she’ll realize she has to hold her tongue till later----up to a full day later!

Talk to your doctor right away if your partner ever begins another story with “Oh, guess what happened to Jan at the office last week” when you’re just pulling into the Kiss and Ride to drop her off for work, or if you’re obviously headed into the bathroom and he wants to suddenly bring up the long series of problems he’s had with that Asian waiter at Tony Roma’s. Zorbgart is effective, safe, and long-lasting. And it costs, literally, eighty bucks a pill, so you know the TV marketing campaign is going to rock. Celebrity voice-over? Yeah, we got that covered. Can you say Julianne Moore? Yep, she’s on board. We got her to tell those Vipporix punks to take a hike in mid-contract---how about them apples? She’s such a nice woman too, no attitude whatsoever, came in right on time, did her lines like a pro, and even chatted with us about the L.A. traffic for a bit. Could not have been sweeter.

Hey, did you read that article about how Zorbgart is considered the sixth deadliest substance known to science if it gets just a little too warm? How cool is that?