$8.85 An Hour: An American Saga

Dear Employees of Dollar Tree South Wilmington,

As district manager, I would like to take this opportunity to apologize for the effects of last week’s Bring Your Old High School Bully To Work Day. I honestly did not foresee the possible negative consequences which might arise by resuming contact with your old high school bullies and introducing them to our workplace. Rest assured, forty percent of the cost of medical treatment for the injuries you sustained will be covered by your Dollar Tree health insurance policy pending submission of the proper paperwork.

Due to the possible legal ramifications of theme days, I am hereby cancelling Take a Shot at Treating a Co-Worker's Arrhythmia Day, September's Sewer Pipe Exploration Picnic, and the annual Christmas party at Bennigan's. Thank you for your understanding.

On a related note, please welcome Tanker Sippston as your new assistant floor manager. In the midst of the chaos that ensued on Tuesday, Tanker, who has never even held a steady job before, demonstrated the decision-making and assertiveness skills that Brian has not.

Have a great week!
Sidney Mmims
District Manager, Upper and Lower Delaware Region