Don't Work to Live---Live to Work.
Welcome, everyone, to the meeting. The purpose of it is basically to announce our new corporate structure. Yes, it’s true, we’ll be dividing the company in half effective June 7. While we at Russell Stover have prided ourselves on making and selling the finest chocolates in the world, delighting in the smiles of young and old alike as our traditional samplers as well as our gourmet line continue to prosper, market forces have now made us divert half our operating budget to the breeding and training of cadaver-sniffing dogs. We hope you’ll support our decision and help to train these cadaver-sniffing dogs with just as much zeal and expertise as you’ve put into making quality Russell Stover chocolates---those of you who will be moved to the cadaver-sniffing dog division, that is. Now, here’s the fun part: we’re not going to tell everyone till Monday which department you’ll find yourself in! We thought it might give everyone a morale boost to come in next week with a sense of anticipation and uncertainty over which job you’ll be devoting yourself to for the remainder of your career here---the job with the chocolates or the job with the cadaver-sniffing dogs. We also won’t be separating the divisions in the office, so you may well sit next to someone doing the opposite of what you’re doing, nor will we be separating the two production floors, because frankly, the budget will not quite allow us to do so. Thanks for everything you do, people, and have a great, safe weekend. On Monday you’ll be coming to work at a new Russell Stover! And again, if anyone has any good ideas for a new company tagline, one that touches upon both aspects of our new dual mission of making and selling chocolates and breeding and training cadaver-sniffing dogs, by all means swing them by my office high on the seventieth floor, a full fifty-seven floors above the next highest person in the company. Oh yeah, let me tell ya, that never stops being sweet.