Come Fire Walk With Me

I got away with it! I never thought I would. I bought the tickets to the Devil Rays game six months ago and three months ago I started thinking of pulling this stunt and I really didn't think I'd have the nerve, but I did it, and I was ready to spend a night in jail because of it, but amazingly, they didn't come after me. I think it all happened so fast that Security never got a good enough look at just who the perpetrator was. Ted and Zeke said they watched the whole game on channel 30, and they didn't get a shot of the banner, of course, but then they probably would have lost their broadcasting license if the camera had picked up what I was putting out there!

I smuggled the banner inside my backpack, which they never checked, thank God, and I waited till the sixth inning to make my move. My palms were sweating for about an hour. I made sure no one was around, which was tough because the Rays were playing the Rangers and the crowd was a little bigger than I thought it would be. There were at least ten other people in my section. But I was clever. As soon as the one guy sitting in the front row got up to go get a beer or something, I moved down and unfurled the banner, my stomach tingling. It was a total rush. When it was totally exposed, I counted to myself: one one thousand, two one thousand, three one thousand....I made it all the way to nine and I yanked the banner back and got the hell out of there. I didn't dare risk any exposure longer than nine seconds. I'm sure plenty of fans had a chance to get an eyeful of every single word I had printed by hand:

AS A FAN OF PROFESSIONAL BASEBALL, I HAVE DIFFICULTY UNDERSTANDING THE LOGIC OF THE RULES COVERING GROUND RULE DOUBLES, BECAUSE THEY OFTEN UNFAIRLY PUNISH A RUNNER WHO MIGHT HAVE SCORED FROM FIRST ON A NORMAL DOUBLE

Thank God my mother wasn't watching TV, otherwise if they had accidentally picked the banner up on a stray shot, she would have disowned me. Whoo, I am still buzzed from the sheer thrill of doing the completely unexpected. One of these days I'm going to take a risk I shouldn't and I'll pay a huge price, but this feeling I've had all day makes it all worth it!